The mystery surrounding Tiger’s car accident this past weekend deepened tonight as Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren still refuse to discuss the incident, forcing friends, associates and strangers to speculate on what may have happened.
“I think he did it for the insurance money.” speculated Tom Rickards, a insurance salesman who lives two streets over from Woods. “That’s an expensive car. The fact is, the insurance company won’t even investigate because Woods is worth over $950 million. The insurance company will have to dole out a premium for a vehicle like that. Tiger walks away with the money! It’s the perfect crime!”
Rickards admits he has never met the golfing champion so he is only guessing.
Paul Snyder, an auto mechanic who has worked on one of Wood’s cars, said “I think he was doped up on heroin and he just lost his mind. Or he was messed up on meth!”
17 year old Betsy Klinger, who works at a Starbucks Woods frequents, believes the accident may have been a combination of drugs, alcohol, sex and rock music. “My boyfriend got all fucked up one night when I was in the car with him and he started feeling me up and the same thing happened!” she claimed.
Until either Woods or Elin come forward the media is forced to speculate on the cause or causes of the accident.
“We don’t know what happened. As far as we’re concerned right now it was just a car accident. Shit happens, you know. And, when it comes right down to it, does this make any difference to your life at all? He’s a golfer. Let him play golf for Christ’s sake!” said Orange County sheriffs spokesperson Gail Hardly.