Paris, France (O! Online) – Tom Cruise skipped a “Mission Impossible: III” news conference and promotional appearances yesterday to go on a day long spending spree in France ostensibly in search of new outfits for his newborn baby girl Suri. Anonymous insiders stated that this resulted in over 300 sets of children’s clothes, many being four to five duplicates sets. Sources stated that Cruise then proceeded to purchase a $200,000 armored Jaguar and matching lightweight bulletproof outfits for himself and his entire family, and 12 sets of specially designed tires for the Jaguar. The spending spree continued well into the night, with Cruise becoming agitated over various stores refusing to open for him.
Cruise never slept for the entire night and reportedly spent the entire time cataloging his purchases on paper and planning with hand written charts and diagrams his trips for the next day. His entourage and tour promoters became very concerned with his behavior when he refused even to utilize his custom designed E- Meter clearing machine.
Early this morning, Cruise reportedly threw a couch through his hotel room’s $20,000 widescreen plasma television which was showing reruns of Oprah. He then threatened members of his entourage, insisting on taking a vehicle himself to continue shopping. At that point authorities were called in, and Cruise was reportedly “darted” multiple times with a heavy sedative.
Cruise was then transported to a highly secured private mental institution just outside of Paris. A freelance photographer was able to sneak into the premises and snap a picture of Cruise undergoing treatment which was then made available to O! Online.
Authorities at the institution refused comment on Cruise’s condition, and whether he was even actually admitted, citing patient confidentiality.
O! Online contacted a practicing psychiatrist and expert on postpartum depression to discuss Cruise’s latest incident. The psychiatrist remained anonymous indicating that it was ethically very “shady” to diagnose or make comments upon someone who had not been physically examined. “This is a classic case of the male equivalent of a postpartum depression with manic features. Given the time frame of the symptoms and their rapid onset, this appears to be an open and shut case. Postpartum depression in males is very poorly understood and frequently misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder. This diagnosis is not listed in the current DSM, but is scheduled to be included as a “provisional diagnosis warranting further investigation” in the upcoming DSM-V, pending support for research from the pharmaceutical industry.”
It is unclear on how long Cruise will remain hospitalized and it is rumored that he will be transferred shortly out of fears that Scientology supporters will discover his location and attempt to stage a rescue attempt.