Tom Cruise Forced to Cancel Psychiatry Lecture

HOLLYWOOD – Although Mission Impossible III star Tom Cruise angrily denies that he was scheduled to deliver a secret lecture on the evils of psychiatry to a class of new recruits at Hollywood’s Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre, People magazine, which broke the news on its website yesterday, is sticking by its story.

People first learned about Cruise’ clandestine appearance when a stringer for the magazine found a one-page fact sheet for Cruise’ address in a copy machine at Kinko’s of Hollywood. After verifying that the logo on the handout was authentic, People reported that Cruise was scheduled to address the class of new recruits—which includes Tara Reid, Nicole Richie, and Orlando Bloom—on the benefits of vitamin suppositories, the myth of postpartum depression, and the carcinogenic properties of the red dye used in Kabbalah strings.

When Cruise, 43, was told that his secret was out, he “went ballistic,” according to one of the caterers in the Scientology tent on the set of Mission Impossible III. Cruise’ tantrum was followed by a stern denial issued by his attorney, Bert Fields.

“It’s an utter fabrication,” said Fields. “I’m shocked that People would run this story without first contacting us. Tom is not giving any lectures, especially one called ‘Out of the Closet and into the Auditing Room.'”

“That’s interesting,” said Jeff Goldblum, a senior editor at People. “We didn’t mention anything about closets or auditing rooms. Why would Tom want to deny something that we hadn’t printed?”

Paramount Pictures, which is producing Mission Impossible III, had no comment on Cruise’ secret lecture, but a source close to Paramount says that Cruise “probably canceled the lecture because the studio has him on a short leash regarding this Scientology business and his public displays of affection for Katie Holmes.”

According to the source, Cruise has been told to “keep his tongue in his head” when discussing his personal beliefs or when kissing Holmes in public.

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