Tom Cruise Launches New Lawsuit Over Heterosexual Claims!

” The Last Samurai ” star Tom Cruise has launched a new lawsuit regarding claims of heterosexuality. The lawsuit is launched specifically against Cruise’s former lovers, including his former wife of nearly 10 years Nicole Kidman and his latest ex Penelope Cruz.

” The Last Samurai ” star Tom Cruise has launched a new lawsuit regarding claims of heterosexuality. The lawsuit is launched specifically against Cruise’s former lovers, including his former wife of nearly 10 years Nicole Kidman and his latest ex Penelope Cruz.

” I’ve had enough of people prying into my private life,” Cruise said in an official press release. “Just because I associate myself with women does not mean I have sex with them.”
Cruise is suing Kidman and Cruz for $10 million respectively and cites libel and slander. “The money is not an issue,” he said. “It’s the moral. If this is the only way to keep the tabloids out of my private life, then so be it.”

Kidman, 37, is aghast at the lawsuit. “Jesus Christ, Tom!” she said in a heated discussion over the telephone. “We have kids together! You left your first wife for me! Of course the world knows we had sex!” Cruise is said to have retorted that, “Our children are adopted for a reason, Nicky!”.

Alison Travis, a housewife in Blue Bell, PA, is worried over the lawsuit. “I’ve wanted Tom Cruise ever since seeing him in Top Gun. He’s the number one man I fantasize about. Now I’m not sure if I can even do that anymore, for fear of him coming after me with a lawsuit. It would be a great way to meet him though,” Travis pondered.

Miriam Barr, Cruise’s lawyer, is uncertain why the star is launching the new lawsuit. “I understand why Mr. Cruise would be suing a homosexual porn star over their alleged trysts,” Barr explains, referring to Cruise’s last lawsuit with Chad Slater who claimed that among other things, Kidman had walked in on Cruise and himself in a “romantic encounter.” “What I don’t understand is why he’s suing his ex-lovers for basically being with him. I know his last few movies didn’t do so well at the box office, but he’s a millionaire. The merchandising alone is enough to keep him afloat for the next ten years.” Barr then confided, “I probably shouldn’t even be making a statement. Who knows, I’ll probably get sued just for being seen with the media.”

Upon calling back several days later to speak with Barr, John Mason, partner for Barr’s firm, informed, “Ms. Barr does not currently work with us, due to her comments on Mr. Cruise’s lawsuit. As for Mr. Cruise’s reasons for the lawsuit, Mr. Cruise has issued a public statement that he would like to make his sexuality known once and for all