(Editors note: That damn Chuck Terzella scooped me again!)
Unconfirmed sources report that the House Committee on Crooks in Office, chaired by House Leader Tom Delay, will bring a Prison Telecommuting Bill to the House floor next week. The Good Fellows Governance package includes several bills that will smooth the way for Tom Delay to continue to lead House Republicans from his cell in a Texas State Prison.
“This package is great for America.” Said Tom Delay in a press conference. “With these laws in place we are assuring the smooth operation of our Federal Government. We can’t let politically or legally motivated prosecutions and convictions stand in the way of good government. I’m just glad that we have been able to pass these laws before anything threatens the fabric of our democratic system.”
Bob Kinderbach, of PrisonTec Incorporated, explained some of the equipment that the bill will pay for. “The heart of the Good Fellows Governance system is the In-Cell voting system. The system will allow incarcerated House members to follow and participate in floor debates via a high-speed video link. The system will also allow for voting, arm twisting, bribing, threatening and accepting illegal campaign contributions through PayPal. It is a good solid and secure system that will make the operations of government function no matter where House members are incarcerated.”
“Their arrogance is astonishing,” said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi of California. “I can’t believe House Republicans are putting their names on a bill like this. The bill has left out so many provisions that we will need, it’s almost criminal. What happens if the President is convicted? There are no provisions to allow the President to participate in the program. House Republicans are setting a horrible example by not including The President and members of the Senate. I just had to vote against it.”
“This is awful legislation.” Agreed Bill Crystol. “Why should we blow all this money on the In-Cell system when all we really need to do is give all members of the government a blanket immunity from prosecution while in office. It makes much more sense to just let officials do their jobs, without the bother of excess regulation hindering their efforts.”
The Good Fellows Governance package is expected to reach the floor of the House next week. The Senate is working on a similar bill that would include all government officials of the Majority Party and the President. Minority party members will not be able to enter the program under the Senate version. The President has expressed interest in the Senate version and has asked Tom Delay to amend the House version before it comes to the floor.