(Houston–Texas) Recently deposed House Majority Leader Tom Delay isn’t delaying thoughts of future political plans. DeLay announced today that he will be relocating to Iraq, and he and Ahmed Chalabi will be forming a political action committee (Only In Liberty) to, as DeLay put it, “be all over the Iraqi government like a stripper on my lap after payday.” DeLay further vowed that the PAC would make certain “democracy in Iraq will not be the victim of voting…I mean miscounted voting.”
Only In Liberty (O.I.L.) was the idea of Ahmed Chalabi, who approached DeLay after the former was appointed Deputy Prime Minister and subsequently appointed to replace Iraq’s outgoing Oil Minister, Ibrahim Bahr al-Uloum. DeLay described his disbelief upon first receiving the call. “I thought this was some kind of joke. Maybe Bob Novak snapped his cap and thought he was Allen Funt on Candid Camera. But it checked out.” A reporter then asked DeLay his feelings for his new O.I.L. partner in Iraq.
“Here’s a fella who didn’t have enough votes to get a seat in the Iraqi Parliament, and he gets appointed Deputy Prime Minister. Even I didn’t do that!” DeLay also reaffirmed the vision he and Chalabi share for Iraq. “Our vision for Iraq is simple, O.I.L. That says it all.”
Chalabi, present via a videophone, was not reluctant to express his feelings about his new O.I.L. partner. “Mr. DeLay is accused of attempting to secretly divert funds from corporations to government. Of course in today’s Iraq, there is no need for secrecy. But as our democracy grows, Mr. DeLay’s skill set could be most useful.” Chalabi then clarified. “What I mean by that is to catch those who would attempt such a heinous act.”
DeLay ended with a final statement. “My trial will prove that I’m as innocent as Dennis Kozlowski, Ken Lay, Martha Stewart, and O.J. Simpson. Sure, some of them were convicted. But in Texas, we’ve convicted and even executed plenty of innocent people. And a conviction means nothing. Why do you think they have appeals courts? When my trail is over, I look forward to going to Iraq to get O.I.L. moving. Allah be praised.”
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