Tony Soprano Named Head Coach of Dolphins

Miami, FL (APE) – “I’m happy to include them as part of the family,” said new Miami Dolphins head coach Tony Soprano. Soprano takes over the worst Dolphins team in history at 1-15 for the 2007 season.

“I think I know what the people here in Miami are capable of giving, and I’m excited about that,”Soprano said in a news conference earlier this week.

“When Bill(Parcells) and I discussed what we were looking for in a head coach, we were looking for real characters,” stated general manager Jeff Ireland. “We wanted someone who understood how to develop real loyalty in young players, one who could instill a culture of consequences for not winning. We think we found that guy, we know we found that guy… forget about it.”

Of the four candidates interviewed, three have mysteriously vanished, leaving Soprano as the best choice to be godfathered in as head of the organization.