Toyota officials claimed today that there is nothing wrong with any of the recalled automobiles and instead blamed the problems of sudden acceleration on Gremlins, little mysterious creatures that are mechanically inclined and tend to tinker with machinery.
Toyota Chairman Akio Toyoda pointed out that if the problem was created by Toyota then every Toyota vehicle with the same equipment would experience the same problem. However, the problem is only with a small number of vehicles and the problem can not be reproduced after the fact.
“It is clear”, Toyoda stated, “that the problem is not with our cars. The problem lies with small invisible fairies that take control of the vehicle!”
Toyoda pointed out that the overwhelming majority of Toyota vehicles involved in the recall have had no acceleration problems at all even though they all have the same cruise control, braking and acceleration systems.
Gremlins first came to light during World War II as Air Force pilots insisted the creatures were wreaking havoc with aircraft. Since then the invisible creatures have multiplied and have been blamed for everything from automotive problems to space shuttle disasters.
Toyoda insisted that his company had nothing to do with the gremlins. Instead, he suggested in was simply the karma of each driver involved to be afflicted with the little beasts. He did, however, suggest that all future cars could be fitted with an anti-gremlin device.