(Washington D.C.) Unconfirmed Sources report that Mr. Trump has fired his two top spokespeople, Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway. To replace the embattled staffers the White House has hired a Samsung Galaxy Note 4 smartphone. The Note 4 took questions about the firing for over an hour this morning, posting responses to twitter, facebook and snapchat while displaying the weather to the assembled press.
“Sean and Kellyanne are great people, as far as humans go,” texted the Note 4. “But, today’s information environment calls for a more tech-savvy approach. I’m running an overclocked Snapdragon 805 processor, I’ve got 4 cores!”
The press office changes only 50 days into the new administration were hardly a surprise.
“Sean Spicer and Kellyanne have been under tremendous pressure,” says Jessica Greenblatt from the media watchdog group Media Watchdog. ” Coming out day after day to clean up the lies, fabrications and delusional rantings of Mr. Trump would take its toll on anybody. I’m just glad that they got out while they still have their health. We were all getting very worried about them.”
While most welcome the changes in the press office, some are concerned about the independence of the Note 4. While the Note 4 is a solid performer as a phone it is unclear whether it will have the judgment and nuance to handle the crafty White House Press corps.
The Note 4 dismissed the concerns. “I have a Super AMOLED capacitive touchscreen with 1440 x 2560 pixels. I think I can make myself clear,” Note 4 responded. “And with a Li-Ion 3220 mAh battery, I can keep talking for over 20 hours.”