TV Pitchman Billy Mays Died His Hair, According to Autopsy Results


Doctors performing an autopsy on recently deceased TV pitchman Billy Mays revealed that the 50-year-old, bearded, jet-black-haired spokespersons well-coiffed locks were actually dyed.

“There is not question”, began Hillsborough County medical examiner Vernard Adams, “that Mr. Mays hair was turning gray rapidly. He used artificial means to enable his hair to appear more youthful and exuberant than it really was”.

“All this time I thought he had naturally dark hair”, said Mays fan and avid television viewer June Carps. “Who knew that his hair wasn’t that color?”

Mays was arguably the most honest salesman to ever live and people trusted him and bought his products in droves thus enabling them to live better, happier and more productive lives. “I don’t know where I’d be today without my magnetized Handy Helper”, said South Carolina auto mechanic Drew Bolender.

Mays amassed a fortune pitching everything from home cleaning products to gardening supplies. During all his years on TV fans assumed the famous salesman simply never aged. However, autopsy results drew a far different conclusion.

“My. Mays was aging normally, the way we all do”, Adams continued. “Had he lived longer we would have seen more wrinkles, drooping jowls and a host of age related symptoms”.

Mays wife Deborah admitted she knew of Billy’s hair coloring habit. “It was something we never really talked about”, she said. “He wasn’t dishonest about it. We just never discussed it”.

It would appear that Mays is not the only television celebrity to dye his hair. Rumors have it that 99.9% of all such celebrities have done so.