U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey Poisoned By His Own Words


In an attempt to justify President Bush’s wartime policies, U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey, accidentally poisoned himself with his own words, according to doctors treating him.

Mukasey was attempting to defend Bush administration policy in a speech before the Federalist Society when he suddenly started slurring his speech and collapsed beside the podium. Startled onlookers grabbed him before he hit the floor.

“It would appear Mr Mukasey swallowed too much of his own bullshit and this poisoned him”, said one of the doctors treating him, on condition of anonymity. “Fortunately he got to the hospital in time for us to pump out his brain”.

Some of Mukasey’s aids disputed the doctors diagnosis.

“He’s been swallowing that bullshit for years”, said Justice Department spokeswoman Gina Talamona. “He was even swallowing it before he became Attorney General!”

Doctors insisted that Mukasey used an unusual amount of bullshit in the speech that evening thus resulting in a temporal lobe attack and causing him to faint. Doctors recommended bed rest and that he abstain from bullshit for 2 to 3 weeks.

Former Attorney General John Ashcroft, who was also present during the speech, claimed it might have been Mukasey’s defense of torture that finally brought him down.

“I think he was about to say waterboarding is OK right before he collapsed”, Ashcroft stated.

Lame duck President George W. Bush praised Mukasey for his extraordinary example of Presidential ass-kissing.