(Washington, DC and elsewhere) In an effort to become more environmentally friendly, the United States military announced today that is has succeeded in creating the first bomb that will only kill people while leaving animals and plant life alone.
The bomb, tentatively named the Ecobomb, works by emitting a genetically modified biological nerve gas toxin that will only bind with receptors on human brains. Because of their different physiologies, animals would not be affected by the toxin.
“We consider this a major breakthrough toward becoming a military that truly cares about the environment”, said Dorrance Smith, Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs.
Smith assured the public that the nerve gas agent would only remain airborne for about two days before it became inert, settled into the Earth and helped fertilize plants.
“After our military has succeeded in killing all the people we will send soldiers in to do the gardening, feed the pets and take care of the homes”, Smith reassured everyone.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates, who will remain with the incoming Obama administration, praised the Ecobomb as “the ultimate in environmental technology”. However, he cautioned other countries against producing such a weapon.
“If we see any other country developing this technology, we will find those responsible and we will kill them”, Gates stated. “Only the United States can be trusted with weapons of mass destruction such as this”.
Meanwhile, Iran claims they have developed an even more powerful Ecobomb that is even more environmentally correct.
“Our bomb is being tailor made to only kill Americans”, said outgoing Iranian Prime Minister Mir Hussein Moussavi.