U.S. President George W. Bush to be Tried on 1.2 Million Counts of Murder

Embattled U.S. President George W. Bush may turn out to be the biggest mass murderer in the history of the world as a U.S. District Grand Jury has voted to try him for the unnecessary slaughter of 1.2 million Iraqi and American people.

Not only was the president indicted on 1.2 million counts of murder, he was also indicted on causing injury to over 12 million people, causing $120 billion in property damage, looting billion of dollars in oil from overseas, wiretapping 37 million American homes, kidnapping and enslaving countless innocent people at Guantanamo, destroying the U.S. Economy, 700 counts of lying to Congress and three hundred thousand counts of currency counterfeiting.

Bush is being held on $1.6 trillion bail. If convicted on all counts Bush faces up to 73 million years in prison.

“But we might let him go after 26 million years with good behavior”, said U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton.

A Grand Jury member explained that if Bush had engaged in provoked warfare then there would be no need for these indictments. However, Bush attacked a country that presented no threat to the United States after lying to Congress. This meets all the criteria for murder.

Prosecutors feel confident they can obtain a conviction as they have well over 3 million pieces of evidence, over 3,000 hours of video and audio recordings, eyewitness testimony of 280 million people and “a veritable island’s worth” of forensic and DNA evidence.

“We probably won’t call all the witnesses”, Walton said. “We will only call 2 or 3 thousand key players to the stand”.

Bush claims he had no knowledge of anything and blamed everythng on Vice President Dick Cheney.

Bush’s defense team says they need at least 100 years to gather enough evidence to present a case in court and request that Bush be released on personal recognizance until that time. Judge Walton denied the request.

“We need that $1.6 trillion bail money to bail out the automakers”, Walton declared.