UCS editors unanimously conclude: 'bin Laden is a wind-up doll'

UCS HEADQUARTERS — After Unconfirmed Sources editors spent a few hours studying the new bin Laden video tape, which was released on July 15, 2007, we all concluded that Osama bin Laden is not a real human being. Sorry to inform you all, but Osama bin Laden must be a wind-up doll, which never has its clothes changed.

The new bin Laden video footage, which was released by the known government-sponsored spook organization IntelCenter, can be viewed below:

MSNBC shows a still frame from the new video footage at the following address: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19772599/displaymode/1176/rstry/19765662/

Here is what you will see:

The editors at UCS then went over IntelCenter’s October 18, 2003, report which can be found at www.intelcenter.com/QRMT-v1-0.pdf

Particularly interesting is what you find on page 15 of the PDF report. The screen shot can be seen below:

As we studied the new bin Laden video, we captured the frame below:

We decided to do a more in depth analysis, by juxtaposing the still frame from the old bin Laden video with the still frame from the new bin Laden video.

After seeing bin Laden wearing the same exact clothes, going through the same exact animations, in videos released several years apart, us UCS editors concluded that bin Laden must be a wind-up doll.

“It was really interesting to see how bin Laden is able to repeat the same exact animations with such precision. It has to be a mechanical doll. You just pull the strings and it will do the same things over and over,” said UCS editor Dood Abides.

Us UCS editors also studied the video footage of bin Laden that was released in 2002. You can watch it by going to the following urls: www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/05/16/world/main509377.shtml and www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/05/20/world/main509540.shtml and then scrolling over to the right hand column of the page, and clicking on the Al-Ansaar/RTV link beneath the category “RELATED VIDEO.” The direct link to the video from 2002 is www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=509516n

“Whatever this bin Laden thing is, it seems to have been dressed the same exact way for the last 5 years, and it seems to stay in the same exact spot, too,” said UCS editor Kamal El-Din. “This thing should be very easy to find if the government wants to find it.”