US Announces Successful North Korean Ballistic Missile Intercept

Vienna, Austria (APE) – US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, accompanying President Bush on a diplomatic trip to Austria and the European Union, today announced a successful real world activation of the United States highly secret Star Wars antimissile system. Administration officials praised the systems effectiveness and accuracy, stating that they were able to intercept North Korea’s controversial Taepodong-2 ballistic missile during its most vulnerable pre-launch refueling stage. The Pentagon described the technological feat as being “surgical”, with the missile being completely destroyed.

“How appropriate that we are speaking today in Austria, the birthplace of a movement,” stated Rice. “Let this serve as a warning to Iran as well that nuclear proliferation will not be tolerated. The axis of evil will be disassembled one way or another. This is a great victory for the CIA and NSA’s newly revamped intelligence gathering abilities.”

The Pentagon remained close-lipped about the computer technology involved in being able to track a provocative target even before it begins moving, but stated that the successful deployment had exceeded their wildest expectations.

White House press secretary Tony Snow stated that the administration expected some fall-out worldwide over the successful deployment, but stated that President Bush remained firm in his convictions.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il was reached for comment afterwards but had difficulty in responding to the news initially, secondary to an unexplained atmospheric electromagnetic disruption combined with a massive power outage. In a garbled transmission, Kim appeared to figuratively accuse President Bush of having an addiction to the prescription drug Viagra along with a case of chronic premature ejaculation.