In a speech this afternoon, President Obama stated that he plans to eliminate the privately run Standard & Poor’s (S&P) and replace it with a government-run agency in order to stave off bankrupting the US economy.
“The S&P index has become antiquated and no longer reflects the way governments do business”, the President stated. “I will be creating the Office of Homeland Economy to prevent private firms like S&P from destroying our government!”
S&P had recently downgraded the US credit rating from a top AAA to a less-secure AA+. This may lead to stock market failures throughout the world. The President assures everyone that the government is printing money fast enough to stave off a global recession.
“We should be able to cap our debt ceiling as high as we want without being troubled with some private company telling us our credit is no good!” the President continued.
S&P President Deven Sharma stood by the downgraded credit rating. “The US has no money!” Sharma claimed. “We should actually downgrade it to a D- or lower! If the country was a business it would have gone bankrupt years ago!”
Obama said it will require an act of Congress to shut down the S&P and Congress said they would do it.