Washington, DC (Rotters) – The Washington Prost today revealed that the threat from Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in actuality a sophisticated Psyops campaign put forth by the Pentagon. Brigadier General Mark Kimmitt described the campaign as “The second best PSYOP program to date, surpassed only by the one involving Abu Musab al Zarqawi.” The Pentagon stressed that the involved propaganda was completely disseminated in the Arab speaking press, and any filtering into the American press, while regrettable, should be viewed as minimal collateral damage.
“It’s amazing the things that you can get people to believe,” said an anonymous PSYOP technician. “The mere idea that a radical, fundamentalist religious zealot could be fairly elected to his country’s highest office is just ludicrous, but there are tons of people out there who are willing to cling to this notion in order to preserve their xenophobic view of life.”
While attempting to minimize the extent of “collateral damage” from ongoing PSYOPS programs in Iran and Iraq, a former defense official speaking to independent journalist Sy Hersh stated that he was both “shocked and awed” by the extent to which the programs have permeated the very White House and those who should seemingly know better. He stated, “When I read that the administration felt that a sustained bombing campaign in Iran will humiliate the religious leadership and lead the public to rise up and overthrow the government, I just had to ask,`What are they smoking?’ ”
In a related story, shares of Reynolds Aluminum today rose sharply in the Dow Industrials, as retailers reported widespread panic buying of aluminum foil across America.