US Reveals Identity of Predator Pilot Who Killed Al-Qaeda #3 Man

Washington, DC (Rotters) – The Pentagon today revealed the identity of the the predator drone pilot who has been credited with the killing of Al-Qaeda’s number three leader, Abu Laith al-Libi, in Pakistan. The intrepid marksman was none other than vice president Dick Cheney. The White House confirmed that Mr. Cheney had for years taken a personal interest in the unmanned drone technology in his spare time from his undisclosed locations.

Pending confirmation from a review of the mission tapes, Cheney will likely be awarded the $2 million bounty which had been placed upon the head of al-Libi. A spokesperson for the vice president’s office stated that the reward would likely go towards completion of Mr. Cheney’s retirement property on the outskirts of suburban Maryland.

“It’s pretty amazing what we’re able to do now,” stated Mr. Cheney in a prepared statement released to the press. “It really is literally point and click.”

US security analysts are describing the strike on the Al Qaeda leader as a “limited success”. Overall, the predator program in the Middle East has been fraught with extensive collateral damages during previous strikes.

“The vice president really has gotten better at this over the last couple of months,” stated the predator program’s Pentagon director Colonel Questin Slater. “but, I think it would be fair to credit this kill to a timely trip to the White House optometrist and a new lens prescription. He’s been a real advocate for advancing military technology, and he’s like a kid with a new BB Gun sometimes. He got a real thrill out of being the first to fire the Navy’s new rail gun in Virginia this week via remote.”