Newport News, VA (APE) – Virginia Senator Allen apologized profusely for his failed addition to the festivities of the dedication of the USS George Bush aircraft carrier yesterday in Newport News. As surprise entertainment, Allen had the popular stunt car General Lee attempt to make a landing on board the flat top. Instead, the bow of the aircraft carrier wound up being christened by a 1969 Dodge Charger instead of a bottle of champagne.
The car’s stunt driver was immediately airlifted to a Norfolk emergency room and was initially declared in serious but stable condition.
The senator’s office insisted that the stunt was well-intentioned, and an attempt to add some “southern hospitality” to the ceremony. “The senator just wanted to add his little some-something to the festivities,” insisted a senator’s office spokesperson.
A Naval spokesperson stated that the carrier would return to drydock today for further damage inspections. At present, it was felt that there was no structural damage suffered by the carrier, and that only orange paint would need to be removed for cosmetic purposes.
The White House expressed sympathy for Allen and the failed entertainment, recognizing that he was in a very close reelection race. The Bush family was apparently debating having the return to the drydock canceled, and leaving the faint impression of the rebel flag on the bow as a show of support.