USS John McCain in battle with USS Barack Obama

WASHINGTON — Lawmakers are considering enacting a policy that prohibits the naming of military vessels after current politicians. The reason is because of the political tensions that have been morphed into military conflicts between U.S. vessels.

The USS John McCain chased the USS Barack Obama into the Yellow Sea, and began to fire at the USS Barack Obama. Last word is that the USS Barack Obama is cornered near Tianjin, China. The USS Joseph Biden is headed to the region to help stop the USS John McCain. But here is where things get tricky: the USS Joe Biden is only an LHA (i.e., amphibious assault ship), while the USS John McCain is a BB (i.e., battleship) and is expected to receive backup by the USS Lindsey Graham, which is also a BB.

The USS Lindsey Graham is sailing towards the Yellow Sea, and it has vowed to destroy any and all ships named after Democrats, with the exception of USS John Kennedy. “We’ll leave the Kennedy alone,” said the USS Lindsey Graham. The USS Teddy Roosevelt and USS Ronald Reagan are trying to broker a truce between Republican and Democrat ships.

So far, the USS Nancy Pelosi hasn’t made any remarks. The USS Ron Paul and USS Dennis Kucinich have issued a joint statement, saying that this can be expected when the Congress spends so much money on the military-industrial complex, i.e., the war machine.

Pssst. Just wanted to let you know that Dominus is running for Congress.