Viktor Yushchenko to George W. Bush: Don't Help Me, Please.

In an attempt to add validity to his claims of voter fraud in last weeks Ukrainian Presidential Elections, Opposition Leader Viktor Yushchenko has asked George W. Bush to stop giving him his support. Yushchenko, apparently worried that the irony of Mr. Bush talking about valid elections would be too much for his supporters to take, has been desperately trying to convince the American President to keep his mouth shut.

Unnamed Kiev Source Woloymyr ( Tovstyy) Wodapalota, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” If it were any other American, somebody that was more trustworthy than Bush like say, Scott Peterson, we would have welcomed the voter fraud statements, but lanyo, something like that coming from George Bush can really kill us when it comes to the credibility thing. The next thing you know he (Bush) may decide to come and Liberate us, in which case of course we’re totally screwed.”

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that he was totally pissed at this authors use of other Unnamed Sources with names that were very similar to his said, “Okay, okay, I can see where people might see the humor in Bush talking about vote fraud, but it’s important that the Ukrainian People understand something that’s vitally important: we don’t give a lanyo what they think. They’re just a shitty little people in a shitty little country. We’re just looking for something that will get Americans attention away from the fact that we’re gonna postpone elections in Iraq because the whole place is totally out of control.

Speaking on the condition that he was more anonymous than ever before Waterhouse continued, “We see it shaking out this way: A Revolution will make for a few days of great TV, especially since Ukrainian chicks are pretty good looking, all thin and drawn and pale. During the Protest phase we’ll slip in a report that we may delay the Iraq Elections; as soon as people start to notice that one of the main pledges of George Bush’s Campaign is in the toilet we’ll ask Vlad (Russian President Vladimir Putin) to send in troops to quell the uprising. That’ll give us at least a month of television news reports full of dead cute Ukrainian chicks, further distracting Americans from Iraqi Insurgents, Military Deaths, Halliburton and Tom DeLay. By the time the whole thing is over we’ll have solidified our strangle hold on the Bill of Rights and we’ll have Iran in our crosshairs.”