Washington, DC (APE) – The White House today stated that the president would be on the road again promoting his domestic spying and stealth governing programs. The tour will likely be a repeat of his previously successful venues. The president will be taking along a bronze bust for public display which he received yesterday as appreciation for his service in the Texas Air National Guard. The National Guard stated that if the president had actually completed his tour they may have seen fit to commission an entire statue, but the president was reportedly happy with the bust alone.
The president yesterday seemed to take credit for thwarting a terrorist plot in Los Angeles three years ago for the third time in as many years. With polls showing that the president’s campaign for domestic spying appears to be gaining some foothold with the public, the administration will be moving into high gear to push through a number of initiatives and coordinate the release of news of newly breaking scandals on its coattails. New scandals set to die over the weekend news cycle included Scooter Libby’s recent turning on the vice president over the Valerie Plame affair, the news that apparently Jack Abramoff had met with President Bush over a dozen times in many intimate settings, including a trip to the president’s ranch and three White House Hanukkah ceremonies, and the news that the Bush administration actually knew of the failure of the levees in New Orleans and subsequent flooding during Hurricane Katrina within hours of its occurrence and chose to do nothing.
With the revelation of the president’s upcoming budget, the administration has reluctantly exposed its stealth governing initiative which will work hand in hand with the domestic spying program. The administration proudly included budgetary measures for its dead Social Security privatization plans, while successfully concealing any real allocations for the war in Iraq. In a related coup yesterday, it was revealed that Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist had successfully tagged on unprecedented lawsuit protection for the pharmaceutical industry in a homeland security bill.
“I would like to thank MSNBC and AP for their patriotism,” stated Scott McClellan, “and the way in which they are implicating Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid in close relationships with Jack Abramoff. Before the question is even asked, I would also like to add that the president views Harry Reid as just a passing acquaintance and has no relationship with him.”
“It’s been a bit of a bumpy ride to start with,” continued McClellan, “but the administration feels that America is slowly getting on board with our smoother, streamlined, K-Street brand of government. In due time, this whole Abramoff thing will settle down, and America will come to appreciate what we have accomplished in such a short time. The only other alternative is to side with the “angry left”. Angry people don’t win elections. Honestly, what have they got to be so angry about?”