It’s Official! Trump’s Washington is Getting More Swampy!

More Swamp!

Washington is getting more Swampy.
Washington is getting more Swampy.

(Potomac, Maryland) Unconfirmed Sources are reporting that Washington D.C. area is indeed getting more swampy. Local scientists with the Chesapeake Swampland Council, a non-profit environmental stewardship and governmental watchdog organization, have released a new study. The study shows that the D.C. area is much swampier that is was just 15 months ago.

“It really is astonishing how much more swampy the area has gotten since our last survey.” confirmed lead scientist Dr. Gib Ruckelshaus. “By every measure we have, the area is more swampy. It’s deeper, it’s stinkier, its muddier, more slimy, it’s more everything. It’s getting so swampy that you can’t even work here with getting mud on you.”

“I have some very small concerns the the swamp may overflow it’s flood plain, however.” continued Dr.Ruckelshaus. “It has always been kinda swampy in the low lying areas around the White House, but the ground is getting soft down Pennsylvania Avenue and even towards the Supreme Court building. We may have to take some action to protect those areas from the encroaching swamp.”

On the bright side, this growing swampland is proving to be a boon for wildlife. The area surrounding the Ellipse is crowded with birdwatchers enjoying the influx of native waterfowl.

“I can’t believe how beautiful it is here.” says Washington resident Bob Mueller. “I have kind of a high pressure job and getting out here to see the birds is a welcome break. Normally this place is swarming with snakes and rats.”

Although much maligned, swamps are a valuable resource for waterfowl, fish, and other wildlife. Swamps also provide a valuable buffering function to reduce flooding during the increasingly volatile weather conditions surrounding the Capitol.

“Having a healthy swamp is valuable asset to any country or community,” concludes Dr. Ruckelshaus. “That is why I’m so glad the swamp surrounding the Capital is getting bigger.”

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