Waterhouse Editorial: Why Homosexuals Shouldn't Be Allowed To Marry

Much is being made once again about the issue of Gay Marriage, or the Abomination, as I like to call it. Not that I personally have anything against homosexuals… after all, who really cares about that? That’s for the religious wing of the Republican Party to work out; I’m more on the financial side. God said in the Bible that we should go forth and multiply and I spend most of my days trying to make my portfolio multiply… exponentially. That’s what God wants and that’s what God’ll get. No, the Abomination I’m talking about is marriage itself.

But, being a good Republican, I always thought that you had to be married. Marriage is an Institution. Marriage is Love. Love is Blind. Marriage is an Institution for the Blind.

Be that as it may, and despite what it does to your savings accounts, I tried my best to get and stay married. But being an Unnamed White House Source is hard work, especially in the George W. Bush Administration. You have to be available 24/7 in order to spin any issue from Dick Cheney spraying his buddy with birdshot to policy advisors ripping off Target stores to attacking sovereign nations with trumped up provocations. I took two weeks off last August while the President went to Crawford and look what happened