Whenever I See Juan Williams In An Airport I Get Nervous.

By now everybody who yesterday morning who had no clue as to who Juan Williams is, knows. Turns out Mr. Williams is sort of like that Canadian Air Force colonel who flew the Queen around by day and then at night played a queen himself; he just got life for murder and taking really, really embarrassing photos of himself in little girls panties, the dope. Mr. Williams, presumably without the murder, rape and lingerie part, has for the last decade or so led a seemingly equally schizophrenic existence as a “senior news analyst” for both FOX (We Report, You Deride) and National Public Radio (NPR). Notice the description- it’s crucial.

Mr. Williams finally ran afoul of one organization, NPR, for comments he made while on the other, Fox (Fairly Unbalanced) to Bill O’Reilly. Mr. Bill had mentioned on yet another program, “The View” that seeing Muslims made him think that he was gonna get blown up (cause they’re all terrorists, you see), a comment that made Whoopie Goldberg and Joy Behar to walk off the set until Mrs. O’Reilly’s little boy Billy said he was sorry. A tense situation diffused…or was it?

No, of course not; I wouldn’t be writing about it a week later if it had been. Anyway, Mr. Bill and Juan were chatting on air on The O’Reilly Fracture two days ago (God, was it just two days ago? It seems more like forty eight hours.) and Billy was whining about it. He asked Juan about whether he was wrong in his views on The View. Juan answered something along the lines of when he sees Muslims dressed in Muslim garb, or in other words, “A person who identifies themselves first and foremost as a Muslim, I get nervous.”

Now, I agree that NPR should’ve fired Mr. Williams since, as Daniel Schorr put it in his interview with Terry Gross (have you ever noticed that when someone dies, Terry Gross can lean back and pull off the shelf a tape of an interview-or two or three- she’s done with them like, twenty years ago? Saves both time and money as well as showing why she’s the greatest interviewer alive today…that’s a opinion, not an analysis by the way.) Ah, shit. Where was I? Oh, yeah! Daniel Schorr, when speaking about finding out he was on the White House Enemies List, said he got angry. Not because he was targeted by Nixon, but because he had inadvertently “become the story”, something a true reporter (or analyst) should never do.

And this is where Juan Williams got it wrong- he didn’t analyze, he opined. Now, opinion is quite acceptable on FOX- in fact they prefer it over truth- but the thing about NPR that both drives me crazy and keeps me listening is that they don’t allow say, Dina Temple-Raston to opine. Quite honestly, sometimes I wish they would, as in, “The Tea Party said this today, but they couldn’t be more wrong. The dopes.”

But they don’t (mostly because the Tea Party being wrong about something isn’t really ‘news’ anymore) and Juan Williams did and now he’s crying “Censorship!” and Fox is giving him millions and having a grand old time ragging on a real news organization. And before you get all Tea’d off (Get it? Tea’d off? Pretty good, huh?), I don’t watch to MSNBC for the same reason. I want news, not opinions, especially stupid ones, from either the Left or Right. I’ll make up my own mind, such as it is, thank you.

Mr. Williams says Muslims in full dress are identifying themselves by their religion first and so makes that them suspect. Presumably he spends a lot of time in airports, so he must be nervous and suspicious a lot cause there’s a lot of Muslims flying around. But I wonder whether Mr. Williams gets as tense and shaky when he sees a priest or Hasidim? After all, they identify themselves by their dress too. Or Rastafarians or Shikhs? Or anyone with a Bible? After all, Timothy McVeigh was a radical Christian terrorist. Priests have been caught diddling little boys and I’ve known of Hasidim who move illegal diamonds and ecstasy from Antwerp. And I think, but of course can’t be certain, that Rastafarians are involved with illegal drug use. Maybe Juan should just take a pill and try to relax.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with his feelings… any guy with a shaved head looks like a Neo-Nazi to me and any kid in gangsta gear looks like a banger. But I figure that the Evil Doer’s have figured out that if they want attack something they’re gonna go to great lengths to not look like a threat…they’re not gonna be wearing flowing robes and carrying a scimitar or anything; it’s counter-productive, you see. And anyway, Richard Reed or that guy from Ft. Hood, Nadal Hanson, didn’t look “look Muslim”. The dopes.

Look, Mr. Williams was just perpetrating a stereo-type. He’s smart enough to know that too. He was playing to that dope Bill O’Reilly, plain and simple and it cost him a job at NPR and got him two million bucks from FOX. He’s got nothing to complain about. Which is why if I was in an airport and saw him, I’d be nervous…stupid, racist and bigoted people, no matter what color they are, make me nervous and Juan Williams now falls squarely into that category. The dope.