White House Admits Hillary Clinton Is Source Of Valerie Plame Leak.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

In an unexpected development, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan admitted during his daily press briefing that before there was Robert Novak or Judith Miller, before there was I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby and Karl Rove…even before there was Dick (Dick) Cheney or George Tenant, there was Hillary. Yes, Hillary Clinton.

The unsolicited admission came as a surprise to a White House press corps used to stonewalling, dissemination and out and out lies; after all, the New York Senator hasn’t been a target of Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald’s grand jury probe into the leak scandal that ‘outed’ CIA operative Valerie Plame and the question most asked by reporters and political pundits is: why would the White House cut loose one it’s greatest allies, perhaps the single most powerful woman in American politics today and George W. Bush’s heir apparent for President in the 2008 elections? The answer is as convoluted as scandal itself.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I know on the face of it, it seems shocking that we would implicate Senator Clinton. After all, no one has done more for George W. Bush and his rise to power than the Clintons, both Bill and Hillary. And while he’s grateful for their continuing support, President Bush, as everyone knows, is completely committed to truth in government. Therefore, he’s decided that it is imperative that anyone who’s been involved in the naming of Valerie Plame should be exposed, even his closest friend in the world, Hillary Clinton.”

Even more surprising than the admission that Ms. Clinton was involved in the Plame Affair was to some Americans was the President’s admission that he and Senator Clinton are best friends, with the two sharing an even closer relationship than Mr. Bush has with his other gal pals Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice or White House Consul and Supreme Court favorite Harriet Miers. While current politics and national attitudes have dictated that the two friends adopt an adversarial posture in public, their close personal relationship has been an open secret inside the Beltway for years.

Still speaking anonymously Waterhouse said, “I know most of our supporters in the Red States believe that Hillary is the Devil incarnate, but to George W. Bush she is the epitome of all that is good and fine in America. It truly pains him that he has to paint her as a lying bitch in public, but Hillary wouldn’t have it any other way. She knows that the work President Bush is doing to reshape America and it’s values is so important that personal feelings must be put aside in pursuit of the greater good. But the two instant message nearly a dozen times a day and whenever Laura’s away Hillary will come and keep him company…nothing bad, mind you, just some innocent cuddling. The President gets so lonely without Laura.”

So why, Americans are asking, would George W. Bush allow his staff to expose Ms. Clinton as the original source of the Valerie Plame leak? Sources in the Administration say it was Ms. Clinton herself who urged the President to do so in order to protect Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney; the logic being that the work President Bush is doing is too important to allow anything or anyone to stand in it’s way, even if it ends up costing Ms. Clinton the White House in 2008. So, by her own choice, Senator Clinton is willingly falling on her sword and will accept full responsibility for any criminal wrongdoing in the scandal. (End Item: Scan for updates…2) .