White House Announces Wedding Surge


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Crawford ,TX (APE) – White House spokesperson Dana Perino described the president as “incredibly excited, and driven” over the prospects of a rapid wedding and the acquisition of a new son in law. The president’s daughter Jenna announced her engagement yesterday to long time beau Henry Hager after a vacation trip to the family compound in Maine. The White House later in the day announced that a co-ordinated surge would be launched to have a Rose Garden wedding prior to a late September deadline which reportedly is “looming larger by the day” according to White House sources.

“The president’s friend and long time adviser Karl Rove has graciously consented to remain on board past his August resignation deadline to serve in the capacity of Chief Wedding Coordinator and strategist as a favor to the president,” offered Dana Perino. “Negotiations are underway to have the president’s personal pastor, reverend Luis Leon officiate the ceremony but there is a minor sticking point over a mandatory series of prenuptial birth control counseling sessions.”

“Overall, the president and first lady are looking forward to spending time with more family,” concluded Perino. “Colors for the wedding will likely be a pastel red in order to match the Rose Garden. The president is shooting for a traditional Texas style motif but will make every effort to respect the wishes of the bride and groom. All options, excluding elopement, are reportedly on the table.”

Harper, a masters in business student at the University of Virginia and a young Republican rising star, is reportedly set to become the youngest ambassador in US history as he assumes the reins in the South American country of Paraguay. Jenna, the often bawdier of the set of twin first daughters has been teaching abroad since finishing her bachelor’s degree in English at the University of Texas at Austin. She is currently working on publishing two books, one in conjunction with first lady Laura Bush, and is scheduled to begin work on a third controversial book examining the effectiveness of abstinence only birth control.