(Washington, D.C.) A recent CNN/Opinion Research poll showed that President Bush’s disapproval rating of 71 is higher than the mandatory IQ to become a Playboy Bunny. Playboy Bunnies are required to have at least an 85 IQ, 80 if they are a “natural C”, according to the Playboy HR manual. The poll also revealed that 68% of Americans disapprove of the President’s course in Iraq. The survey comes five years after the Chief Executive’s “Mission Accomplished” speech. But the White House isn’t buying failure. They have retained the high powered advertising firm of Toni & Randell, which will launch the “Mission Accomplished?” campaign of ads this summer in order to bolster the Republican cause.
Speaking from his spacious recently expanded trailer office in Manmoth, Iowa, the Creative Director of Toni & Randell, Ed Davis, was quick to point out flaws in the survey, like the “Playboy Bunny IQ paradox” as he calls it. “I can’t believe that simply having a larger breast size would come before intelligence. Isn’t that sexism?” When asked what this had to do with the President’s disapproval rating, Davis was quick to reply. “I think it’s clear. Had we not done the market research for this campaign we would have never uncovered this glaring injustice. Would you have expected that from Playboy Enterprises? Hooters maybe. But Playboy!”
Davis then went on to describe the point of “Mission Accomplished?” “Why a question mark? Because of the success of the President’s policy in Iraq, we are left with so many questions, and a question is just an opportunity. Isn’t it? See my point? Look at all those opportunities I just gave you. I think we can all agree that this administration will have people asking questions for years, maybe decades, to come. You can’t quantify that in a poll.
Not that Davis is reluctant to marshal his own data. Toni & Randell has retained Frakemen, Lublel & Pong, a statistics research think tank used by tobacco giant Philip Morris to conduct its landmark medical studies in the 1960s. They have reviewed the CNN/Opinion Research survey. And the results have given Davis confidence. “While the CNN poll showed the President’s disapproval rating is higher than that of Richard Nixon’s in August 1974, a statistical model generated by Frakemen, Lubel & Pong shows that compared with Richard Nixon today, or I should say the remains of Richard Nixon, his adjusted disapproval rating would be $68%. So, I think there’s enough egg on the collective faces at CNN to make an all you can eat omelet buffet at the Bellagio. I know because I’ve been there…twice”
Questions, or rather opportunities, of why the alleged Playboy HR manual was on White House stationary and if it is true that the CNN survey participants where put on a Homeland Security watch list were not answered by Davis.