White House Denies Explosives Are Missing

The White House today sharply disputed claims that it allowed three hundred and fifty tons of explosives to be stolen from a former Iraqi military base, saying instead that the ordinance had been moved and stored for safe keeping to Syria and Iran. The statement comes in the wake of accusations by John Kerry that the munitions are being used to blow up American troops and represent “one of the great blunders” of both the war and the Bush Presidency.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” This just goes to show how wrong John Kerry is when it comes to his position on our handling of the Iraq War. Of course we knew that all those explosives were going to be a problem but we figured they were too dangerous to leave just hanging around in Iraq so instead we sent them to our good friends Iran and Syria for safekeeping.
The bombs that are killing our troops are actually coming from Canada; at least that’s what our intelligence has been telling us.”

Canada, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” Boy oh boy, you folks in the States are sure a funny lot, eh? First our drugs are too dangerous for you Yanks and now we’re supplying Terrorists and Insurgents with explosives. What’s next there, the flu is our fault too? Is that why Washington stole our baseball team? I mean, Jeez.”

Iran and Syria have assured the U.S. that all the explosives that were delivered in the chaotic aftermath of the invasion are accounted for saying, “Yep…it’s here, three hundred and fifty pounds of firecrackers and Roman Candles, just like you sent us.” When informed that it wasn’t three hundred and fifty pounds of fireworks, but three hundred and fifty tons of high explosives, Iran and Syria replied, ” Really? Why on earth we we hold that much dangerous explosives for you? That would be crazy. If we had that many bombs we would have shipped them out to anyone that would want them; after all we’re too peace loving to want that kind of thing in our two countries. Maybe you should check with Canada.”