White House Leads By Example

Not content with accusing their Democratic Presidential rival John Kerry with flip-flopping, the Bush Administration is attempting to provide a current example of how the process actually works.

On Thursday, September 23rd Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said he didn’t think that elections in Iraq necessarily needed to encompass the entire country in order to be fair or binding. Speaking at one of his increasingly rare press conferences, Secretary Rumsfeld dismissed the idea that voting in a national election should be a right enjoyed by every citizen as “kinda loopy”.

“If there were to be an area where the extremists focused during the election period, and an election was not possible in that area at that time, so be it.”, said Rumsfeld, blithely writing off a significant portion of Iraq as a voting entity. Rumsfeld of course backed down from his statement the very next day saying, ” It was the Halderol talking yesterday, of course every Iraqi will get a chance to vote. I know a lot of them are dying to be able to cast their ballot and probably a lot more of them will die before they ever get a chance to, but hey, it’s all good.”

Deputy Secretary of State Richard ( the other Dick in the White House) Armitage, speaking to a House of Representatives Committee said, ” We’ve got to do our best efforts to [sic] get in troubled areas…I think we’re going to have these elections in all parts of the country, but then again I thought that all the smiling, happy, singing Iraqi peasants would be dancing and throwing flowers at us when we first took over their country. “

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” I think the American People should be able to tell what we mean when we say that this intolerable flip-flopping on the issues is what they can expect from John Kerry if he is elected. First he’ll say there were weapons of mass destruction, then he’ll say there weren’t, he’ll say Saddam was responsible for 9/11 then he’ll say he wasn’t. He’ll even let his Campaign Legal Advisor help put out adds questioning his opponents service then come out and publicly say he doesn’t believe the lie he helped perpetrate.”

When it was pointed out that these were flip-flops of the Bush Administration, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of really being believed said, “The American People sure do need a lot of examples, don’t they?”