White House Releases Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Letter

May 8, 2006

The White House has released a transcript of a letter sent from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to United States President George W. Bush in an attempt to ease tensions between the two countries. The letter appears below:

Dear Son of Satan,

I am writing this at the behest of the Mullahs, who advise me that it is always better to try to negotiate a peaceful settlement to any dispute rather than threaten war. Actually, what they said is that if I somehow manage to get their country attacked, I am going to be tied to one of our new super secret torpedo’s and sent on an all expense paid trip across the Straits of Hormuz. Whatever. The point is, you decadent Tool of Evil, that Iran is a kind and gentle nation and our latest war games, testing of new missiles, torpedo’s and gunboats are all designed to further our quest for peaceful nuclear energy to help our people, who are quite frankly too environmentally conscious to continue to use fossil fuels as an energy source. War games are just our way of going Green.

So, in the spirit of love and international cooperation, you disgusting son of a whore, I am inviting you to come visit our beautiful country Iran for a holiday. I would come to your place for a weekend, but quite frankly your country sickens me and I’d rather eat a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich before I set foot in America. So why don’t you take a few days and shoot over here? Wait, that’s a bad choice of words