White House Threatens Crow with Lawsuit on Behalf of Rove

Washington, DC (Rotters) – The White House today announced that its legal counsel, Fred Fielding, was looking into the possibility of suing songwriter/singer Sheryl Crow on behalf of President Bush’s political assistant, Karl Rove. The threatened lawsuit arose over claims of personal injury maintained by Mr. Rove as a result of what he claims was a witnessed assault at the annual White House Correspondents Association dinner. Rove claimed that Ms. Crow intentionally assaulted him during a verbal argument which escalated, resulting in damage to the nerves and shoulder ligaments in his left arm.

“She came over to assault me,” stated Rove, “and she succeeded. I warned her not to touch me… if I weren’t such a gentleman, I would have kicked her ‘Hysterical Hollywood’ buttocks.”

Ms. Crow who was accompanied by Laurie David, the producer of Al Gore’s popular film documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth”, responded to Rove’s charges on the popular blog, the Huffington Post, stating, “he was like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum… it was stupid of me to actually think I could change his mind on global warming, or anything for that matter. All I did was to touch his arm as he turned his back on us to walk away in a snit. He screamed in a note that I would never be able to hit on my best day, and rolled around on the floor holding his arm… honestly, you’d think that I’d kneed him in the family jewels or something.”

White House spokesperson Dana Perino insisted that the charges were warranted. “If somebody like Ms. Crow can do this to an assistant of the president, think of the message that this might send to those who might be considering harming Mr. Bush. To say that this woman is unbalanced would be an understatement, and she certainly has the physical strength and abilities necessary to causes injury. She used to train with Lance Armstrong on a regular basis, for goodness sake!”

Mr. Rove was reportedly resting comfortably at home under doctor’s orders. The White House stated that it would be doubtful that he would be available for any type of testimony before Congress in the near future.