(Washington D.C. : Ucs News) White House press secretary, Tony Snow, said Friday he would have surgery on Monday to remove a growth inside his abdomen. Doctors examined the growth and discovered it was in fact Snows soul returning to his body.
The President demanded the emergency surgery to “Prepare Tony for the last two years on my administration” According to white house staffers a soul would prevent the press secretary from effectively representing the administration during it’s final downward spiral.
Dana Perino will be temporarily handling the responsibilities from behind the podium. Doctors expect a full recover with Tony returning to his soulless self in three to four weeks. Speaking off the record Snow is relieved to be missing the next 3 weeks as he was not looking forward to sand bagging the US congress and misleading the public about the legality of congressional oversight.
In his closing remarks Snow said “I’m getting required medical treatment and Alberto Gonzales will fry with or without me.”
From the staff of Unconfirmed Sources: Tony we hate you and would generally enjoy seeing you and the President be torn apart by a pack of wild dog, we do wish you a speedy recovery. And don’t worry we will do our best to eviscerate Dana Perino in your absence.
A Note from the editer: It is generally against the Unconfirmed Sources code of Satirical conduct to pick on dead or sick people, I have used MY Executive Privilege to allow this article. I will allow this because Tony has been advancing the Bush administrations position that Congress has no oversight authority over the President. This position us blatantly UNconstitutional and Tony deserves a stake in the heart, along with our sympathy.