The Administration of United States President George W. Bush, at first caught off guard by the anti-war brush fire named Cindy Sheehan, has re-grouped and begun to realize that the situation is not as bad as it initially seemed. What has made the White House suddenly so comfortable? The answer lies with President Bush himself.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, Sure, we were taken by surprise this Sheehan thing, but then after some reflection we realized that there was nothing to worry about. After all, it’s clear that George W. Bush is one of the best loved Presidents of all time and all’s you have to do is tally up the accomplishments of his Administration and you’ll find that the negative feelings generated by one grieving mother pales in comparison to the good-will George Bush has engendered.”
When asked exactly what good President Bush has done to generate good-will, Waterhouse, continuing to be anonymous, explained, “Well for one thing, he gave America it’s last peaceful, uncaring days before 9/11 by ignoring any of the warning signs of terrorism. That translates into nine months of happiness that the people of this country owe him. Plus, he cut everybody a check as payment for electing him with his Bucks For Ballots initiative. Then, when Terrorism reared it’s ugly head, George Bush responded immediately by attacking not just Afghanistan, but then threatening North Korea, Iran, Canada and best of all, for no reason at all, he whacked Iraq. Boy, that raised a few Middle eastern eyebrows, plus enhanced our standing with the rest of the world. I’ll tell you. Keep em guessing, that’s George’s motto.
“On the home front, Mr. Bush streamlined the economy by getting rid of all the excess cash on hand, sending millions of jobs overseas which gives Americans more leisure time, by allowing gas prices to rise to unsustainable levels Bush cut down on the difficult decisions Americans have to make, like where to go on their vacations…obviously, with three dollar a gallon gas they can’t go anywhere; they probably even can’t afford to take a vacation in the first place, so that’s good too. And I think we don’t even have to talk about how much George has advanced the re-emergence of religion…well Evangelical Christianity anyway.”
Finally, being so anonymous that even I didn’t know who I talking to Waterhouse finished, “So let’s recap…Under George Bush we have less jobs, less money, less friends, less soldiers, less time off and higher gas prices. So you can see how good…um…how nice…uh, look, let me call you back on this, okay? You know, it all sounded so good when Karl Rove explained it.”