William Ayers: It's Time We All Come Clean

You know, this William Ayers thing has got me worried. Not for Barack Obama, but for myself. I realize that if I ever run for president (and who among us won’t?) there are a lot of shady characters in my past that I might have to explain away, disavow or generally cut loose, so I might as well start now- First, I knew two Evangelical Christians, but I swear I didn’t know at the time they were Evangelicals and in my defense the girl was really cute. The guy was weirder than a two-headed calf, but like I say, the girl was a sweetie. Anyway, she dropped the Evangelical thing later and went on a true spiritual search. Also, I’m friends with a Major in the US Army, and a city policeman- I won’t tell you their names because they’ll take heat for it if their superiors ever found out they knew the likes of me, but it’s still true. And Conservative Republicans…

I admit here and now that I know and am cordial with a lot of Conservative Republicans, and even one guy who still thinks George W. Bush could have gotten it done if we’d have just given him a chance. Actually, I pick up his meds from the pharmacy for him since he’s no longer allowed to operate heavy machinery. I also knew guys who played the commodities markets and made a killing off corn and oil futures.I’ve also known people who have health insurance and regularly pay their taxes…maybe not at the same time since it’s really hard to afford to do both together, but it can sometimes overlap. All of this is embarrassing, but as I say, this is no time to try and hide these associations. In addition, I know people who got sub-prime mortgages with little or no credit and bankers who issued them.

I’ve known hunters and loggers, not to mention men and women both who burned gasoline in their SUV’s (but I’ve never known a Hummer owner…that would be just be too much), I’ve known college professors, although I don’t know if any of them were part of any conservative Republican organizations; still, I should just put that out there and be done with it. I’ve known dozens, if not hundreds, of Roman Catholic priests and nuns and quite a few Rabbis as well. And while I’ve never met any Muslim Imams, if I had I would have known them too.

I’ve known and been pleasant to soccer moms, hockey moms and tai kwon do moms. In short, I’ve had many close and/or tangential relationships and contacts with many law-abiding and upstanding members of the community. I’m ashamed of it of course, and wish to God it never happened, but it did and I can no longer in good conscience hide it. My hope is that if I ever run for office, after the revolution I mean, that none of these associations will be held against me. Thank you, and God bless whatever country we end up with.