Wilma Makes Landfall, Florida Sustains Major Damage

Unconfirmed sources report that most of Florida is gone after Wilma made landfall today with torrential rain and 200mph winds. It looks like the unending string of hurricanes has finally taken its toll, as the landmass of South Florida gave way early this morning and sank into the sea. Emergency officials report minimal loss of life as everyone had already fled the south of the state for higher ground.Residents of what used to be South Florida are in a state of shock today as the scale of the disaster becomes evident.

The entire southern half of the state is just gone plain gone.

State geological officials believe that the landmass became so saturated with water that it just gave way. “I have never seen anything like it.” Said state geologist Flint Rockwell. “The aquifer underneath the state must have collapsed and South Florida fell into the hole. There just isn’t anything left. But I will say one thing; there will be some mighty interesting diving. So, come on down to the New South Florida.”

The loss of South Florida has been greeted by some as a blessing. Reverend Billy T. Huggins of Atlanta Georgia said he expected something like this would happen. “The Lord has spoken. He has said that the hive of Godlessness, South Florida, must be smote from the earth. And it is so! Amen. This is punishment for the debauchery and hedonistic pleasure that has occurred there. The place was a regular Sodom and Gomorrah. I have seen it with my own eyes as I walked the beaches for hours praying for those naked and curvaceous souls.”

Kevin Phipps, age seven, said of the loss. “They still have Disney Land in California right?”

The destruction of South Florida has crushed the spirits of those who live in the state. Even the Governor has decided to throw in the towel. Jeb Bush is expected to announced that he will dissolve the state of Florida. What is left of the peninsula will become part of Georgia and the panhandle will be given to Alabama.

Residents have greeted the news with pleasure as they were tired of living in Florida anyway.