WMD Report Proves Bush was Right! (out there)

President George W. Bush has pointed to the report by weapons inspectors saying that Saddam Hussein had no Weapons of Mass Destruction as proof positive that Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction. Speaking on the campaign trail, Bush told a wildly cheering audience that, “The United Nations said there were no WMD’s, Iraq told us they had no WMD’s, our own weapons inspectors told us there were no WMD’s and most incredibly, John Kerry told us that there were no WMD’s. Well, we went in there and low and behold, what did we find? That’s right! No WMD’s! This proves that my Administration was absolutely correct in attacking Iraq, deposing Saddam Hussein and plunging his country into anarchy.”

The President’s audience of highly paid Republican faithful were apparently cheering so loudly that they weren’t actually listening to him as he continued, “This report proves conclusively that if Saddam Hussein had had WMD’s he would have absolutely maybe possibly might’ve thought about using them, representing one the greatest threats to America since Cassius Clay changed his name to Mohamed Ali.”

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” Yeah, sure, on the surface it looks like we were completely wrong and ended up tearing Iraq apart, destroying America’s credibility around the world and polarizing our own country, not to mention ignoring the very real threats from North Korea, Iran and Canada, but if you don’t look too closely at the report you’ll see that whatever we’ve been telling you isn’t completely false, just terribly misguided. George W. Bush has shown that his single mindedness in focusing on Iraq to the exclusion of all else has made the U.S. a somewhat safer, if more dangerous place and the American will thank him for it one day, if they don’t put him in prison first.”

Saddam Hussein, speaking on the condition that George W. Bush is even more misguided than he is said, ” I thank Allah that George W. Bush occupied and deposed me. You must remember that I am an evil tyrant that needed to be stopped. I represented a gathering threat to world security and was indeed a card carrying member of the Axis of Evil. Hell, even I believed that I had Weapons of Mass Destruction. Now of course, I just write poetry and tend trees, but given the chance I’d destroy the world.”