Wolfowitz and Gonzales Resign

Washington, DC (APE) – In a stunning press conference early this morning from the Oval Office, President Bush today announced the resignations of World Bank head Paul Wolfowitz and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. He then announced his intentions to proceed with a recess appointment of Wolfowitz as the next attorney general of the United States and offered a resounding endorsement of Gonzales as the new head of the World Bank.

Bush angrily derided Democrats for what he described as ‘political witch hunts under the guise of oversight ‘ which resulted in the need for this latest administration personnel shift. He cited the move as a way to remove all sense of impropriety in regards to recent controversies engulfing both men, and allow Congress to get back to the business of service to the president.

Bush also announced that Shaha Riza, the girlfriend of Mr. Wolfowitz, would return to a position at the World Bank with an increase in pay grade in order to facilitate the transition of Gonzalez into his new position, and further silence the controversy surrounding her. One of her first assignments would be to advocate for the release of World Bank funds to deal with the recently identified issue of overwhelming numbers of Iraqi refugees fleeing into surrounding countries.

White House spokesperson Dana Perino stated that the president was looking forward to concentrating on winding down his recent successful surge strategy in the war in Iraq. “Debate is good,” stated Perino, “but Democrats in Congress and the American people need to become cognizant of the fact that they too serve at the pleasure of the president during times of war.”