A 19-year-old right-wing Evangelical Christian college student was arrested this morning after sources revealed she planned to become an intern and seduce U.S. President Barack Obama for the purpose of removing him from office.
Shelly Palin (no relation to Alaska governor Sarah Palin), a Huntington University sophomore, tearfully broke down and confessed that she planned to perform fellatio on the Chief Executive.
Police who raided Palin’s home stated they found several blue dresses, six pairs of thong panties, two jars of heated KY Jelly and a Cuban cigar as well as a one-way plane ticket to Washington, DC.
“My whole family backed McCain”, Palin stated. “We didn’t want no black man in the White House. I promised my mommy, daddy and God that I would do everything I could to get him impeached”.
Undercover investigators discovered that Palin did not act alone but was supported and funded by the Holy Roller Baptist Church and Huntington University both in Huntington, IN. Holy Roller Pastor John Friday stated that he was unaware of any plot to overthrow Obama and inexplicably revealed that he has never had sex with Ms Palin.
“I don’t know about any plots to overthrow that Negro and, if anyone asks, I did not have any kind of sex with Shelly Palin!” the Pastor stated.
Palin stated that she is a virgin and plans to remain that way until she marries. “Blow jobs ain’t the same as sex”, Ms Palin firmly stated.
Several unnamed members of the Holy Roller Church as well as several faculty members at Huntington University have been named in the investigation. Investigators found several letters of recommendation for the intern position from some high level University officials.
Obama seemed unconcerned when he heard of Shelly Palin’s arrest. “I wouldn’t have accepted her anyway”, Obama stated. “I’m only hiring ugly girls. History has taught us too much”.
University officials declined comment due to the pending litigation.
If convicted of attempted seduction, Ms Palin may spend 30 years behind bars.