World Bank's Paul Wolfowitz Says Bomb Cindy Sheehan

Washington, D.C. — In an effort to curtail the threat to Bush’s poll numbers by Cindy Sheehan, the former Deputy Secretary of Defense, who now runs the World Bank, Paul Wolfowitz, urged the President to begin dropping bombs on Cindy Sheehan’s position.

“It is a matter of national security,” said Wolfowitz. “If Bush’s poll numbers drop any further, we may have to stop dropping bombs everywhere else.”

Wolfowitz explained that there is actually a confluence of interests in taking this aggressive action.

“Mrs. Sheehan is camped out in an area where there is oil. Since we haven’t exactly been able to get those pipelines pumping in Iraq, we are going to have to expand operations in Texas,” said the World Bank leader.

The national interests include trying to revive Bush’s poll numbers and energy production.

“Without expanding oil operations in Texas, the World Bank won’t have the necessary collateral to fund more wars,” said Wolfowitz. “In other words,” he explained, “we need to start wars to fund wars.”

I had a chance to ask Paul Wolfowitz some more personal questions. I asked him about some of his favorite leaders from the past.

“Caesar once said that soldiers and money mutually supported one another. With money, he could hire soldiers. With soldiers, he could steal more money in wars. I am very appreciative of his insight, because that has been the neocon formula,” Wolfowitz said.

Paul Wolfowitz also spoke about the importance of supporting the troops in anti-protestor operations.

“As troops start bombing Cindy Sheehan, it is important that Americans rally behind the President and other politicians, in order to support the troops,” Wolfowitz said.

He also explained how important it is that the American military suffers no loss of life in the operation, otherwise their family members, too, could start protesting in Crawford, Texas.

“If the families of the troops involved in the operations against Cindy Sheehan start protesting, that could be a public relations disaster for the President,” said a concerned Wolfowitz.

Calls to both the Pentagon and the White House were not returned. Whether or not the Bush administration will take Mr. Wolfowitz’s advice is yet to be determined.