Las Vegas, NV (APE) – Casino Owners throughout Las Vegas have put their staffs on alert for attendees of the Yearly Kos convention at the Riviera. It appears that there has been an orchestrated effort to attack and break eight of the most popular Casinos simultaneously. Casinos are reporting a net gambling loss of almost $3 million within three hours of the convention’s opening late yesterday.
Terrance Benedict, owner of the Bellagio stated, “These people are slick. We don’t know how they’re doing it, but we will catch them eventually. They head straight for the Black Jack tables… we had to shut them all down late last night. I’ ve looked at some of the security tapes, and I’ve never seen this degree of card counting skill since Rainman.”
RNC chairman Ken Mehlman offered, “We’ve been trying to warn America about this “ultra fringe element” of the democratic party for years. Unless they’re stopped quickly, they could conceivably walk away with over $100 million in cash, more than enough to price us right out of the market in this fall’s election. This is a good example of why we have been preaching distrust of intellectuals in general.”
Police have been reluctant to become involved, as The Yearly Kos convention has all the earmarks of legitimacy, featuring appearances by prominent party luminaries such as Harry Reid and Wesley Clark, just to name a few.
Marcos Moulitsas, founder of the popular Progressive Blog The Daily Kos refused to comment about individual motives of the attendees and dismissed any ideas that an organized effort at fundraising through gambling was underway. “Elections are a science now, and they’re no longer a crapshoot,” stated Moulitsas, “We’ve just found a way of lowering the odds and bringing everybody to the high stakes table.”
The Yearly Kos convention continues through this Sunday and casino owners are considering issuing a ban on entry for anyone wearing orange citywide.