Zacarias Moussaoui Dreams of George Bush, Tom Cruise's Virgin Birth and Britney Spears Is A Mother!

(Los Angeles-CA) Britney Spears son Sean Preston fell out of his high chair this week hitting his head. This marks the second instant the parenting spotlight has shone on Spears, the first being when she was driving with Sean Preston on her lap. Spears’ agent claims that this doesn’t make her a bad mother. However, he would not comment on if he has begun negations with Time Warner on behalf of Sean Preston for his 2027 book release, working title “Tell All On Washed Up Pop Idol By Her Worthless Drug Addicted Son Who Can’t Earn A Living Any Other Way” or if he has begun a lawsuit against an agent representing Michael Jackson’s son for rights to the same working title.

(Teheran-Iran) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that Iran will continue its uranium enrichment program regardless of U.N. Security Council warnings. In response, Security Council member China is planning to send a diplomatic envoy to Iran in the hope of finding a diplomatic solution. Experts believe that even if the China envoy makes progress, they expect Iran will again want to begin enriching uranium a half hour later.

(Washington, D.C.) Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice also commented on the Iranian situation this week saying, “When the Security Council reconvenes later this month, I think it will be time for action.” When asked what this action will be, Rice would not comment, but a source at a D.C. area Blockbuster alleges that Rice rented the DVDs Scarface, The Godfather and for some reason Porky’s.

(New York-NY) The U.N. Security Council also has hopes, should the Chinese mission fail, that Germany’s negotiations with Iran will result in a peaceful resolution, because after all Germany never caused any world crisis.

(New York-NY) Magician David Blaine unveiled his latest stunt this week. He will spend seven days suspended in a human aquarium. Passersby will be able to touch the glass, take pictures of him but not under any circumstance ask him any questions. Blaine said the inspiration for the trick came from the Bush presidency.

(Alexandria-VA) Confessed al Qaeda conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui took the witness stand to determine if he is sane this week. He stated that it came to him in a vision that George Bush would free him. Prosecutors immediately countered, saying that doesn’t mean Moussaoui is insane. However, prosecutors refused to comment on the fact that Moussaoui said Bush was dressed as the cowboy from the Village People.

(Washington, D.C.) Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the special prosecutor overseeing
the indictment of Lewis “Scooter” Libby, filed a letter amending last week’s filing that stated Libby was ordered by Dick Cheney not to leak C.I.A. operative names only selected classified intelligence on Iraq, which begs the analogy is there such a thing as a little pregnant?

(Los Angeles-CA) In an interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer, Tom Cruise dispelled the rumors that his “wife” Katie Holmes while giving birth according to the “Church” of Scientology’s “silent birth” is not allowed to make noise. Holmes, a born Catholic, agreed to the birth method since the conception fell under the Catholic Doctrine of Virgin Birth.

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