Michael Vick Receives Presidential Pardon
by Dood Abides
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick leaving Air Force One with President Bush and his dog Barney


Atlanta, GA (UPSI) - The White House today announced that President Bush would be issuing a full presidential pardon to embattled Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick. The president met with Vick aboard Air Force One during a scheduled refueling stop early this morning at Atlanta's Hartsfield international Airport. The president's pardon renders moot a plea bargain agreement reached with federal prosecutors late last week in which it was widely believed that Vick would agree to plead guilty to charges that he was running an illegal dogfighting ring this coming Friday.

"The president thought long and hard about this decision, knowing full well that it would be controversial," stated White House spokesperson Dana Perino. "He felt that it was important to begin the healing process and have this sad state of events put behind the country. The president feels that Mr. Vick and the NFL have suffered enough, and that the loss of his career should be punishment enough."

"He's quite a charming young man," stated the president to reporters afterwards. "I do believe that he has learned his lesson, and I see no point in having this dragged out before the courts and televisions and further demeaning America's favorite pastime. They have come up with some fairly creative probationary requirements for Mike, including extensive community service at the Atlanta humane shelter. He has also graciously consented to do a little remedial training with my Barney as well."

The White House further stated that this was evidence that the president would continue to utilize his judicial pardon powers in a fair and equal manner, and that he was looking forward to an exciting NFL season this year. The president also accepted a Falcons' jersey with the number seven from Vick aboard Air Force One.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



Nelson Maurice wrote:
Loved the Bush-Vick pardon. Too funny.

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It would be helpful if you guys could also speak to the animal cruelty controversy at Amazon.com.

Apparently Amazon sells a very large number of items related to dog- and cock-fighting, as well as the good ol' standbys like bear baiting.

The Humane Society of the US (HSUC) has sued them to get them to remove this crap, but they chose to defend it as a 1st Amendment issue and refuse to acknowledge its human-decency component.

The issue can be readily-researched via Google & other search engines.

Thanks,

Nelson
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Dennis wrote:
"Who's on crack?" "What's the pipe for?" "Where's the stash?" "I don't know is flying the plane"

There that settles that.............
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Dominus Noster wrote:
I'm not saying dogfighting is a good thing, as I love dogs, but how is it that promoting dogfighting gets Vick labeled as evil, but then U.S. politicians can promote and cause fighting between humans, getting humans killed and injured, and they don't get into trouble?
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Gunther Schnitzel wrote:
Hey Dood> Did ya hear that Bush has also issued a pardon in absentia to bin Laden? "He ain't such a bad guy." said prez, " I just found out he's a Republican!"
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Kevin Good wrote:
Bush, We don't need politicians in Washington sticking their nose into this in hind smell.
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Teflon wrote:
Yesssss, my boyye free, All Vick needs no is a "You See Me" "Hi Haters".. So the let humans cage fight they let humans kill each other but. They want to Michael Vick drough in the dirty over what he did yes it was wrong but you want to torture him for it for ever. He is only one of the Best yeah i said it the Best QB in the game.
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