In an effort to pay off the estimated $12 -20 trillion it will take to repair our economy and help clean the environment, President Barack Obama announced the Federal Government will be attaching a tax lien on the amount of air we breathe.
Obama explained that people already pay taxes for food, land and water use so the only taxable resource left was the air we breathe.
"If we are going to clean the air, that won't happen for free", Obama told Unconfirmed Sources. "I plan to establish a commission that will ensure healthy, breathable air for generations to come. This will be a small tax so don't worry!"
National Economic Council director Larry Summer explained that each American will pay, on average, $512.00 per year for the privilege of breathing air. This will generate over $153,600,000,000.00 per year for the federal government. The amount of tax each American will be required to pay will be based on the annual amount of air he/she is estimated to have used. Couch potatoes who do not exercise and consume less air would be charged considerably less than athletic people such as runners and hikers.
"I regret that people who use more air will have to pay more", Summer explained. "But such is the cost for living in a free society!"
Obama did state that federal funding would be available for people who breathe but cannot afford the new tax. However, to be granted a breath-tax exemption several criteria would have to be met. Among those criteria are:
*The Breather would have to makes less than $7,800 per year.
*The Breather would need to show he/she is not breathing excessively as defined by Health & Human Services guidelines.
*The Breather must show efforts that he/she is doing all they can to maintain clean air and/or recycle existing air.
"Someday we may not need this tax", Obama proclaimed. "But I don't see that happening in my lifetime!"